Identity

Who am I?  Not my name, but when people think of Rachel, who is she? 

The easiest answer to this question comes in the form of titles.  It appears most often in the form of an automatic signature at the end of each of my e-mails, telling my name and all of the important positions I hold in different organizations. 

But that is not the correct answer to the question.  Titles generally only last for the school year anyway, at least at this point in my life.

So then the question must be more specific.  Who is Rachel now that will stay the same forever?  Who is "Rachel" at her core?

Oh boy; that's a tough one.  Even after two weeks of pondering, I could not come up with a real answer. Finally, I did what should have been obvious; I asked Jesus.

"Who am I God?  Who did you make me to be?" 

These are the verses he showed me.

Acts 11:24 "He [Barnabas] was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord."

Acts 13:22b "'I [God] have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.'"

Obviously, I am neither Barnabas nor David.  But the name isn't the important thing here.  I want to be considered a good woman, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and lead a great number of people to the Lord.  I want Jesus to look at me and say "Rachel is a woman after my own heart; she will do everything I want her to do."

So, back to the question, "Who am I?" 

I am a traveler on the road to who I will be; a woman after God's own heart.

What should I wear today Jesus?

What does it mean to really follow Jesus?  What would my day look like if I did everything the way he asked me to?  Would he really care to answer if I asked what I should wear that day?  I mean really, in the massive universe full of starts and billions of people, to some one who knows all that was, all that is, and all that will be, does it all really matter?

I've read the bible.  I know my name is written on the palm of his hand and that he knows the numbers of hairs on my head and the stars in the sky, but what is the point of knowing the hairs on my head?  How does that affect in any way how the universe operates?  What difference does it make in the big picture of things?

As I asked the question, Jesus answered.  He said the number of hairs on my head do not affect the way the universe operates.  Campus is so much bigger than the hairs on my head, let alone the universe.

"But I care anyway."

I've been watching "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" in my free time, and I think Jesus is like Superman, and I'm like Lois Lane.  I constantly get myself in difficult situations and he is always there to take care of me.  No matter how many windows I get pushed through, his arms are always there to catch me.  When I'm scared and can't sleep, all I need to do is rest in him and I will find peace.  He threatens the bad guys, "If you hurt one hair on her head..." because he cares how many hairs I have.

So what would it look like if I asked God what I should wear every morning? I think he would say, "Rachel, I made you a beautiful person.  I have given you these clothes to accent that beauty.  Pick whatever makes you feel good today.  You will look wonderful."

Love Like Woah

Hello World,

You hurt my feelings.

I love you.

You spat on my face.

I love you.

You gave me the middle finger.

I love you.

You ignored me.

I love you.

You spurned my love.

I love you still.

You have done many terrible things.

I forgive you.

I have forgotten it all.

My love is patient.

My love is kind.

My love doesn't keep score.

This love is not an emotion, but a choice.

I choose to love you forever.

I love you.

-God